Nobody Said It was Easy
by precious-passenger
Summary: A reaction fic to 5x20 from Blaine's POV. Major Blangst. Fuller summary inside.


A/N: So, this is a mini writing challenge between me and _MyMagentaPeach_. It's a reaction fic to 5x20. So, you might want to stay away from reading this if you hadn't watched it. The full summary is under the line break.

* * *

Genre: Angst

Warnings: None.

Summary: A reaction fic to 5x20 and Kurt and Blaine's arguing from Blaine's POV. Major Blangst.

* * *

As Kurt left the practice room, visibly fuming, a chill spread through his whole body. The worst thing about it was, the feeling was hauntingly familiar. A little too familiar, for Blaine's liking. He remembered it from the months after the breakup. The agonizing days waiting and dreading a reply from Kurt only to get a text requesting to stop texting. The months of feeling nothing but emptiness until Kurt agreed for them to talk. The emptiness he could still feel in his nightmares of Kurt leaving…leaving him alone and slamming shut the door. The worthlessness that he felt in Mr. Shuester's wedding in that hotel room, when the high of having, seeing Kurt so close ceased. When moving with him and kissing him was nothing more than a distant memory his mind recalled every once a while to torture himself more.

Good thing he was sitting in a chair now, because he didn't think his legs would be able to hold him up, ever. At least not until he made it right with Kurt and properly apologized. Maybe not even then. Maybe if Kurt reassured that he forgave him, once again, and held him tight to his chest, Blaine would be able to feel like he could breathe again. Lying in the bed and cuddling Kurt close, their bodies flushed against each other. That was Blaine's main source of joy and happiness and he wanted to give Kurt back as much as he could to make Kurt feel as happy and appreciated as he could feel under his touch.

Blaine's phone rang and his heart picked up the speed in hope. He brought it to his ear without even glancing.

"Hello?" he tried to clear his voice, making it stop sounding so needy and pathetic.

"Hi handsome, ready for the big night?" it was June and Blaine tried to swallow his disappointment and be polite.

"Yeah, I guess," he said and winced at the lack of enthusiasm at his own voice.

"Hey, sweetheart. What's wrong?"

The comment and the word 'sweetheart' throws Blaine off guard and he remembers the last time he heard Kurt said it.

_You're such a sweetheart._

He can't stop playing the memory in his mind over and over again and remember how Kurt's eyes shined. Nobody looked at him like that. He was usually looked like a freak, a piece of garbage ready to be tossed aside.

"I'm just so tired of being productive…and sane," Blaine said and immediately froze in place. That's it. That's the whole problem.

"I just want to quit… everything. I want to stay home and eat popcorn and watch Kurt blossom into the talented man I know he is. But, I want to be worthy of him and that's the only reason I perform," he said, sending June to a stunned silence.

"So, don't you dare say he doesn't mean anything. Kurt saved me. Kurt _is _saving me. HE is my purpose and maybe that's unhealthy and insane but that's how it is. We're meant to be a-and…and…"

He started sobbing then. He wanted to quit. He didn't want to quit. He wanted to beg her to let Kurt sing just one song and tried to ignore the part of him that smirked and said that everything was already ruined. Maybe forever.

"We'll discuss this later, Blaine. Once you've calmed down a bit. Call me," she said, surprisingly gentle and the line went dead.

How much time Blaine continued his pity party and proceeded to cry his heart out he didn't know. He cried over moving out of Kurt's apartment and how it first felt like Kurt was pushing him away, over the stress of performing and trying to impress, over the stress of moving in a studying in a demanding school like NYADA.

Finally the sobs ebbed down enough for him to notice a single text alert on his phone. He saw it was from Kurt and he felt himself dropping on the floor, just barely avoiding hitting his head against the piano.

"I'm making healthy hamburgers, come over for dinner?"

The message didn't have its usual string of xo's and it broke Blaine's heart. But it was an olive branch Kurt was willing to extend and his heart fluttered at the gesture…and food, to taste Kurt's delicious food and keep him company once again.

_I love you._

"Of course," he texted back and wiped his face, deciding to make a detour to get some flowers and some healthy snacks for them to eat.

* * *

A/N: So what do you think about my attempt at Blangst? Let me know.


End file.
